Summer Jam 2024! The National Nightmare is over

That's it - we're all done people! Another summer jam has come to an end. Like three weeks ago but IRREGARDLESS we have another Summer Jam Champion in the books. Here, of course is a current updated list:

2007: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
2008: "Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas
2010: "California Gurls" by Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg
2011: "Park Rock Anthem" by LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock
2012: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
2013: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. & Pharrell
2014: "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea ft. Charle XCX
2015: "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon
2016: "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake
2017: "Despacito" by Daddy Yankee, Luis Fonsi ft. Justin Bieber
2018: "Never Be the Same" by Camila Cabello
2019: "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus

2020: "Blinding Lights" by the Weeknd

2021: "good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo

2022: No winner?

2023: No winner?

Alright, crap, I've got to clean this up. I don't know what I was doing, apparently I just gave up the past two years.

First of all, when I think 2020 I definitely think "Rockstar" by DaBaby and even at the time , "Blinding Lights" won by a single point. I dunno, I think we go back to "Rockstar" retroactively.

2022 was definitely murky when "Running Up that Hill" definitely won, but I'm loth to acknowledge it since it debuted 40 years earlier. But that was definitely the summer of Kate Bush, so let's put it there.

2023 looking back I think is "Kill Bill" by SZA, a year gone that just feels like one to beat. So let's call it that one.

2020: "Rockstar" by DaBaby

2021: "good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo

2022: "Running Up that Hill" by Kate Bush

2023: "Kill Bill" by SZA

The whole point of the Summer Jam is to find that immortal song that we always associate with that particular summer. I think that cleans up a lot of the past five years, which are admittedly really rough. We really got messed up after COVID, huh?

2024 is easy. One reason why this is so fun is that every year is different. 2020 was close between two, 2021 was pretty defined, 2022 had an anachronistic jam, and 2023 didn't have too much at all. But 2024 was remarkably clear.

#1: "Not Like Us" by Kendrick Lamar

#2: "Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

#3: "A Bar Song" by Shaboozey

No real debate, nothing opaque, that is definitively the order and if we had been doing a weekly countdown, that would have probably been the order damn near every single week up to and including right now, when this week I feel the same way.

2025? Meh, we'll probably do like we did this year, once a month or whenever we feel like it. But we need to keep announcing a winner! Probably!

Coolest named Pokemon Moves

That's right. After 15 years we're finally on to the good stuff! I don't even know what these all do, but dammit, these are COOL move names:

#10: Sandsear Storm

This is the signature move of Landorus, I think of this and Scorching Sands a lot, which is the more generic version. My big thing is to really sink into a movie I can picture. And this one tells so much of a story, like hot desert sand cooked in the sun all day and then whipped up into a magnificent blast. It's a lot of fun.

#9: Moongeist Beam

This is a Lunala move, and I can't really tell what a Moongeist is, it sounds like some wind from the moon or something, and beam implies some kind of energy. It is a Ghost type, so some kind of dark, haunted night beam or something? That's wild, man.

#8: Glaive Rush

Glaive Rush comes from Baxcaliber, and is all relatively new. Baxcaliber is like an icy Godzilla, and again, you can just picture the glaives on his back thrusting into something with speed and precision. It's a dragon type move, although you got to think some ice is involved with this guy.

#7: Fishious Rend

Not only does this do monsterous damage, but it's one of not that many clever puns for moves here. It's used by fossil fish pokemon Dracovish and Arctovish. When you see these things you can picture their rending in huge fish jaws, how they must tear the other beasts apart with their unyielding maw. Fishious indeed. It works as a pun and as a description of like, of being like fishy.

#6: Behemoth Blade

This belongs to Zacian, and really feels unstoppable. The alliteration is on point and it flows off the tongue really well. It feels difficult to dodge and imposing.

#5: Fusion Bolt

This comes from Zekrom, and again, the name implies what the move does. I picture it being such a hot burst of electricity that it fuses together whatever it hits. Or perhaps the origin comes from a nuclear or hitherto unknown fusion process itself? Bolt implies a sudden, thick strike. This has everything going for it.

#4: Parabolic Charge

I didn't plan it this way but every other move on this list is a signature move, often from legendary pokemon. Parabolic Charge is associated with Helioptile, but other things can learn it. It again feels so descriptive and technical, scientifically befitting of the electric type. I picture Helioptile being the energy source and then an arc of lightning connecting it to whatever its victim is. Not the damage of a Fusion Bolt, but that's why it's named well. It's a minor attack.

#3: Spacial Rend

I think these last couple are mirrors of the same concept, this comes from Palkia and I just picture like, a hole torn through the space around us, it's that powerful. It seems to exist outside of reality and implies awesome power.

#2: Roar of Time

Dialga does this one, like a dragon roaring so loud it punches a hole in time itself. Do you move forward? Backwards? I don't know, but I think it just hurts. Like chronal-powered energy to disintegrate whatever is in its way. Everything fades and diminishes. Ye who remain shall wear earmuffs.

#1: Precipice Blades

Dude I've just been thinking about Precipice Blades a lot. It is by far my favorite move name. It's ground type from Groudon, and you can picture like, giant stalactites falling, or a cliff crumbling, and Groudon's so huge you know it was big and it was his fault. But the blades part, there's some edge, some danger, already implied from being on the precipice. And it's plural! So just this unending onslaught of razor sharp huge rocks falling on you. It's intimidating.

The cadence works, too. Three syllables, then one, both with Latin roots. Precipice sounds fancy and elite, and then Blade comes down hard with the short and sharp juxtaposition. It's great. I really like this move name and that's why I wrote this article.

One Shot Reviews - August 2024!

I have found lately that I want to get some thoughts out about recent movies I've watched. Then I realized I've been maintaining an unsuccessful blog for fifteen years! My issue is I go way too in-depth and then never end up writing because I don't have the time because I know it's going to take me like three hours to get everything out of my head. But here are snippets of stuff I've seen recently:

Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 (2024): I really wanted to support this, like man, a classic Kevin Costner western dripping with sincerity, sounds awesome. This was maybe one of the straight up worst movies I've seen in recent memory. And this was the year of Madame Webb (2024) and Borderlands (2024), people. It's just somehow shot really really boringly despite having the entire American West as a backdrop. There are way too many unrelated characters that are continually introduced up to two hours into the movie. Supposedly that will all straighten out as the somehow THREE ADDITIONAL chapters drop, but simply put there is nothing compelling here to justify much of anything. It's really rough and I really wanted to like this one.

Sasquatch Sunset (2024): I was pumped for this one, too. I really didn't want Harry and the Hendersons (1987) but I wanted something a little lighter for what amounts to a Bigfoot mockumentary. This is one of the most depressing movies of the year! It's so deeply, deeply sad! It at least does look good, it works as basically a silent movie and the acting is spectacular, and I can safely say I've never quite seen a movie like this. So good stuff but man it's sad.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024): It's hard to even say this, but this might have been the best of the recent Apes films. It tells an incredibly articulate story while preserving all the themes of the previous films. It's basically an animated film that looks gorgeous. Somehow this series has never won any awards ever but we'll see this year.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024): This was getting a lot of praise as possibly superior to Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). It doesn't quite reach those levels of pure storytelling efficiency but it's definitely solid. Hemsworth probably wrapped up villain of the year, equally charismatic, threatening, and pathetic. This is definitely in the Saga category. I was surprised when Anya didn't show up until over halfway through. There is so much world-building that really doesn't take away from Fury Road. And plenty of room open to see how Scrotus dies.

That's about it. I just want to say that somehow James Acaster was the funniest part of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024), which is insane for a movie starring Aykroyd, Rudd, and Murray.

Goodnight everybody!