2024: Thanks for all the Sharks! Best Films of 2014

We'll get to why you all come to movie sights, the best of the year, but the more and more I go on with this nonsense the clearer it is that the true test is their staying power ten years on. But really there's merit to both - films could be incredibly in the moment and impactful the first time you see them, or sometimes they fade over time. So while we've had a lot of random lists across the years here, this will be our official 2014 list, or at least what we're jazzing on right now.

#10: Noah

This is a ridiculously underrated film that really hasn't had any mention or reappraisal at all in the past ten years, but I really dig the cinematography and how much this thing pops. I do think the last maybe hour or so needed to be cut, yes, it does get that excessive with the Ray Winstone stowaway bits. I don't really think that adds anything to the narrative. It's not stupid like you'd expect it to be, nor is it preachy. Just good clean, pretty sad fun.

#9: John Wick

The more I looked at movies from 2014 the more it seems like the biggest ones had a long reaching influence. Every action movie in the past ten years wanted to be John Wick. And for better or worse this launched a lot of directors' and stunt coordinators turned directors' careers that have made a lot of really crappy movies. 2014 was all about pushing vibes with really innovative, creative, original stuff like this, Guardians and the LEGO Movie, which have had a ridiculous amount of imitators over the past decade. These have of course all failed because they are not coming from a place of original expression or novelty, but chasing a recreation of a feeling. Anyway, John Wick is still fun and clean as hell.

#8: Interstellar

Interstellar has gone through this quasi-appraisal ranging from "is it a masterpiece" to "is it even good?" I don't think it hits as hard as it did when it dropped but by all accounts the big ideas it drops are still very compelling. It's big, it's fun, it's part of the McConaughsaince. It's great.

#7: The Interview

I should probably stop throwing The Interview on this list. But the great thing about doing this ten years past is that we're not really beholden to any kind of popular whim at all. It's fun. I feel like calling this one of the last really great funny movies. Politically held up surprisingly well.

#6: Foxcatcher

I don't know where this movie is now, it was pretty lauded at the time but never really made a dent in any actual awards. It reminds me of the recent Iron Claw (2023) but maybe that's just wrestling. There is a match between intensity of performances, vibes, cinematography, and subject matter that gels very well. This was also an early introduction to how bold of an actor Channing Tatum can be. I don't think anyone really thinks about Foxcatcher these days but I do.

#5: Guardians of the Galaxy

I'm not sure any film really matches the influence of Guardians, it was such a big cultural force, and for good reason. It gave such few fucks and created James Gunn's now signature style of elevating the most genre of genre material into real human drama. Unfortunately it also led to ten years of "Well, if the Guardians could be come household names, why can't Moon Knight?" and such and such. It also led to a thousand imitators who did not come close to matching its style or attitude, from Suicide Squad (2016) to The Suicide Squad (2021) to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023). We're still trying to cop this crap in Borderlands (2024). It was such magic in a bottle, and although its legacy may be diminished by lots of imitations and endless milking by Disney Marvel, but it's still a great movie.

#4: Gone Girl

Gone Girl does an unreal job at understanding modern media, and feels like a warning of things to come that all just happened. It's also impeccable casting, looks great, and Fincher is crushing it here. But it's also an insanely deep character study. It's held up very well and you could watch it today.

#3: Birdman

I should probably watch Birdman again. It was such a giant of the time that it earned a permanent position on this list. It's probably THE movie I think of when thinking about 2014. I have a feeling it would lose some impact of novelty upon a second viewing where you could probably just pick out all the cuts, but it's still such a perfect marriage of lighting, music, acting, casting, and everything that it's hard to ignore. Totally ignored during award season. I mean, I guess it won Best Picture and three other awards but I'm still sore about Michael Keaton. Who has played flying-based superheroes in two franchise movies since this for some reason.

#2: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

I thought this was one of the greatest movies I've ever seen when I first caught it. I think the second time lessened the impact but it's still a great achievement. It's so damn lonely and iconic. It twists and writhes and plays with its own presumptions and impact, simultaneously informed by its context and ready to defy it. It all works and I still dig it.

#1: Under the Skin

I can't believe this is ten years old, but this remains one of the few movies I can recall that exists totally within the language of film. I'm not sure I can re-watch it, I probably need to. It demands such close watching while being the ultimate slowburn. But I still remember multiple scenes. I love how nothing is explained and you have to become engrossed into the visual language. It's a merging of form and function that I haven't really seen much like since.

That's that. I dropped Inherent Vice. I had trouble getting through it on a second viewing, I really loved it, and then I apparently totally lost interest. What We Do in the Shadows should also probably be here? Maybe? I also really remember liking Why Don't You Play in Hell? but I could not remember it at all, to be honest.

Summer Jam 2024! The National Nightmare is over

That's it - we're all done people! Another summer jam has come to an end. Like three weeks ago but IRREGARDLESS we have another Summer Jam Champion in the books. Here, of course is a current updated list:

2007: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
2008: "Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas
2010: "California Gurls" by Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg
2011: "Park Rock Anthem" by LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock
2012: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
2013: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. & Pharrell
2014: "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea ft. Charle XCX
2015: "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon
2016: "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake
2017: "Despacito" by Daddy Yankee, Luis Fonsi ft. Justin Bieber
2018: "Never Be the Same" by Camila Cabello
2019: "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus

2020: "Blinding Lights" by the Weeknd

2021: "good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo

2022: No winner?

2023: No winner?

Alright, crap, I've got to clean this up. I don't know what I was doing, apparently I just gave up the past two years.

First of all, when I think 2020 I definitely think "Rockstar" by DaBaby and even at the time , "Blinding Lights" won by a single point. I dunno, I think we go back to "Rockstar" retroactively.

2022 was definitely murky when "Running Up that Hill" definitely won, but I'm loth to acknowledge it since it debuted 40 years earlier. But that was definitely the summer of Kate Bush, so let's put it there.

2023 looking back I think is "Kill Bill" by SZA, a year gone that just feels like one to beat. So let's call it that one.

2020: "Rockstar" by DaBaby

2021: "good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo

2022: "Running Up that Hill" by Kate Bush

2023: "Kill Bill" by SZA

The whole point of the Summer Jam is to find that immortal song that we always associate with that particular summer. I think that cleans up a lot of the past five years, which are admittedly really rough. We really got messed up after COVID, huh?

2024 is easy. One reason why this is so fun is that every year is different. 2020 was close between two, 2021 was pretty defined, 2022 had an anachronistic jam, and 2023 didn't have too much at all. But 2024 was remarkably clear.

#1: "Not Like Us" by Kendrick Lamar

#2: "Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

#3: "A Bar Song" by Shaboozey

No real debate, nothing opaque, that is definitively the order and if we had been doing a weekly countdown, that would have probably been the order damn near every single week up to and including right now, when this week I feel the same way.

2025? Meh, we'll probably do like we did this year, once a month or whenever we feel like it. But we need to keep announcing a winner! Probably!

Coolest named Pokemon Moves

That's right. After 15 years we're finally on to the good stuff! I don't even know what these all do, but dammit, these are COOL move names:

#10: Sandsear Storm

This is the signature move of Landorus, I think of this and Scorching Sands a lot, which is the more generic version. My big thing is to really sink into a movie I can picture. And this one tells so much of a story, like hot desert sand cooked in the sun all day and then whipped up into a magnificent blast. It's a lot of fun.

#9: Moongeist Beam

This is a Lunala move, and I can't really tell what a Moongeist is, it sounds like some wind from the moon or something, and beam implies some kind of energy. It is a Ghost type, so some kind of dark, haunted night beam or something? That's wild, man.

#8: Glaive Rush

Glaive Rush comes from Baxcaliber, and is all relatively new. Baxcaliber is like an icy Godzilla, and again, you can just picture the glaives on his back thrusting into something with speed and precision. It's a dragon type move, although you got to think some ice is involved with this guy.

#7: Fishious Rend

Not only does this do monsterous damage, but it's one of not that many clever puns for moves here. It's used by fossil fish pokemon Dracovish and Arctovish. When you see these things you can picture their rending in huge fish jaws, how they must tear the other beasts apart with their unyielding maw. Fishious indeed. It works as a pun and as a description of like, of being like fishy.

#6: Behemoth Blade

This belongs to Zacian, and really feels unstoppable. The alliteration is on point and it flows off the tongue really well. It feels difficult to dodge and imposing.

#5: Fusion Bolt

This comes from Zekrom, and again, the name implies what the move does. I picture it being such a hot burst of electricity that it fuses together whatever it hits. Or perhaps the origin comes from a nuclear or hitherto unknown fusion process itself? Bolt implies a sudden, thick strike. This has everything going for it.

#4: Parabolic Charge

I didn't plan it this way but every other move on this list is a signature move, often from legendary pokemon. Parabolic Charge is associated with Helioptile, but other things can learn it. It again feels so descriptive and technical, scientifically befitting of the electric type. I picture Helioptile being the energy source and then an arc of lightning connecting it to whatever its victim is. Not the damage of a Fusion Bolt, but that's why it's named well. It's a minor attack.

#3: Spacial Rend

I think these last couple are mirrors of the same concept, this comes from Palkia and I just picture like, a hole torn through the space around us, it's that powerful. It seems to exist outside of reality and implies awesome power.

#2: Roar of Time

Dialga does this one, like a dragon roaring so loud it punches a hole in time itself. Do you move forward? Backwards? I don't know, but I think it just hurts. Like chronal-powered energy to disintegrate whatever is in its way. Everything fades and diminishes. Ye who remain shall wear earmuffs.

#1: Precipice Blades

Dude I've just been thinking about Precipice Blades a lot. It is by far my favorite move name. It's ground type from Groudon, and you can picture like, giant stalactites falling, or a cliff crumbling, and Groudon's so huge you know it was big and it was his fault. But the blades part, there's some edge, some danger, already implied from being on the precipice. And it's plural! So just this unending onslaught of razor sharp huge rocks falling on you. It's intimidating.

The cadence works, too. Three syllables, then one, both with Latin roots. Precipice sounds fancy and elite, and then Blade comes down hard with the short and sharp juxtaposition. It's great. I really like this move name and that's why I wrote this article.

One Shot Reviews - August 2024!

I have found lately that I want to get some thoughts out about recent movies I've watched. Then I realized I've been maintaining an unsuccessful blog for fifteen years! My issue is I go way too in-depth and then never end up writing because I don't have the time because I know it's going to take me like three hours to get everything out of my head. But here are snippets of stuff I've seen recently:

Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 (2024): I really wanted to support this, like man, a classic Kevin Costner western dripping with sincerity, sounds awesome. This was maybe one of the straight up worst movies I've seen in recent memory. And this was the year of Madame Webb (2024) and Borderlands (2024), people. It's just somehow shot really really boringly despite having the entire American West as a backdrop. There are way too many unrelated characters that are continually introduced up to two hours into the movie. Supposedly that will all straighten out as the somehow THREE ADDITIONAL chapters drop, but simply put there is nothing compelling here to justify much of anything. It's really rough and I really wanted to like this one.

Sasquatch Sunset (2024): I was pumped for this one, too. I really didn't want Harry and the Hendersons (1987) but I wanted something a little lighter for what amounts to a Bigfoot mockumentary. This is one of the most depressing movies of the year! It's so deeply, deeply sad! It at least does look good, it works as basically a silent movie and the acting is spectacular, and I can safely say I've never quite seen a movie like this. So good stuff but man it's sad.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024): It's hard to even say this, but this might have been the best of the recent Apes films. It tells an incredibly articulate story while preserving all the themes of the previous films. It's basically an animated film that looks gorgeous. Somehow this series has never won any awards ever but we'll see this year.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024): This was getting a lot of praise as possibly superior to Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). It doesn't quite reach those levels of pure storytelling efficiency but it's definitely solid. Hemsworth probably wrapped up villain of the year, equally charismatic, threatening, and pathetic. This is definitely in the Saga category. I was surprised when Anya didn't show up until over halfway through. There is so much world-building that really doesn't take away from Fury Road. And plenty of room open to see how Scrotus dies.

That's about it. I just want to say that somehow James Acaster was the funniest part of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024), which is insane for a movie starring Aykroyd, Rudd, and Murray.

Goodnight everybody!

Sum Sum Summer Three Quarts

 I somewhat yearn for the golden years of our seventeen week summer break. We are having fun, but I do sort of miss those days. Anyway, we've never quite had a summer like this where we have three clear contenders in a dead heat, although all three also very clearly have their own distinct ranking. I was about to say "A Bar Song" was losing steam, too, then I heard it on regular radio the other day. All three just seem to be where they always were, and we'll keep going with that. So, let's start with the periphery:

"I Had Some Help" by Post Malone and Morgan Wallen

I mean, it's fine, I don't think I'm adding it to a playlist to listen to in the 2040s but it's here and picking up steam.

"Please Please Please" by Sabrina Carpenter

Let's call Sabrina the Team USA of summer - not Gold but winning the medal count. This song is maybe taking over "Expresso" but not really.

"Polkamania" by Weird Al

Yeah!

"A Bar Song" by Shaboozey

It's my pick for song of summer and the one that gets in my head the most. I do think it's a clear #3 but it picked up a bit this week. Everything about it rules and I hope it's bigger than "Tipsy" ever was. Sorry J-Kwon. Shaboozey has another track out now, too. I don't think it will be a thing.

"Expresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

I mean, c'mon, definitely industry plant, right? She's just effortless in this debut and it's a big announcement of her on the pop scene. It feels like any other pop song. Something elevates it. I think it might just be horniness.

"Not Like Us" by Kendrick

I never want to prematurely annoint a Song of Summer, but something would have to be really really ubiquitous in August to overthrow Kendrick at this point. The only one I can really remember is "I Gotta Feeling" way back in 2009 that surged real late. There's a million things to note about this. It might be the most popular diss track of all time, and also one that really really sounds like libel? And Drake can't sue because he'd either look soft(er) or in discovery they'd find out he really is a pedophile. The whole thing is nuts. It is a good song, though. Catchy. Kendrick is definitely killing a beetle with a sledgehammer and the whole origin of the beef is so damn stupid but like, I don't know of any other beef with such a definitive winner.

Other people who are trying...

Charli XCX came out with a new one with Billie Eilish, which is a weird combo, and not a very good song. She also had "360" earlier, but I have found that while I want to be interested, I really can't get into it. Eminem's "Houdini" is maybe okay, but it's just not as big. Billie Eilish does have a lot of songs out, but they're all really depressing.

That's it! We have a few more weeks and then we'll call it for Labor Day!

Summer Brack 2024 Mid-Summer Brack Catch-up

We are knee deep in cicadas and summer sunshine now, folks, and as with any great American Independence Day Weekend it's time to check in on the vibes and rhythms that have kept our hearts pumping and our feet chattering this great season.

To be honest, hardly anything had changed in the past month, and I feel like we have a decent tie for the Top Three Songs of Summer so far. There are a couple other things coming in and our as they always do, but I'm curious what ends up having the legs to keep surging. Let's do this:

Chappel Roan / Billie Eilish

Each of a ton of songs out right now. I haven't heard any of them playing often and when I check them out I have no recognition nor desire to listen to them further. This is why this column is being dropped, people. I have just peaked and entered the long depressive valley of adulthood.

"Lithonia" by Childish Gambino

I don't know what's going on with this guy, but he has a movie, Bando Calrissian and some songs to go along with it. I like it, it's weird, rock-ish, and very determined. Not popular at all, not jammable, and not played any where. Hot jam of the week! Sounds like bad Sum 41 but soulfull.

"Million Dollar Baby" by Tommy Richman

Popular but I'm in the dark. The beat is okay.

"I Had Some Help" by Morgan Wallen and Post Malone

I have never heard this song before until I clicked it to write this article because it's charting. I can't make rhyme nor reason of our lives anymore. Whatever. This ain't my bag and doesn't feel like that much of a summer earworm, either.

"Houdini" by Eminem

I mean, this such a blatant attempt at vintage Eminem, and it's not very good or catchy in any way. Em is attaching himself to the anti-woke mob like he tried to position himself as an anti-Bush leader in the mid-2000s. I mean, fine, whatever, we can see it but no one really cares, Marshall. This is not that fun.

"Expresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

I actually really like this, it's just the ultimate no brain song. Industry plant of summer? I haven't heard "Please Please Please" on the radio at all but it's doing well on charts. I still hear like, "Feather" and shit. I think we need a whole other category for Midwestern radio hits.

"Not Like Us" by Kendrick

I caught all up on the Drake Beef stuff, and man it is so much stupider than I thought. The origin, to my understanding, is J. Cole saying him, Drake, and Kendrick were the Big Three, and Kendrick was just like, "Nah, I'm the best one." And there you have it. I mean, he's right, Kendrick vs. Drake is like Chappelle Show Wayne Brady against actual Wayne Brady. No one who starred in Degrassi can claim any kind of street cred. Stay in your lane, Drake, I liked "HYFR." This might be the most popular diss track of all time, and that's got to sting. Jeez the lyrics are all about Drake being a pedophile, though, it's nuts. I really love how Kendrick just played this five straight times in a row at his Juneteenth show. It's an unabashed and hitherto unforeseen level of pettiness which is great. Kendrick Lamar is the Reverse Flash of hip-hop but I'm on board.

"A Bar Song" by Shaboozey

This is really the only song that hits all three boxes for me. Played on the radio, played on Spotify, and I actually like it. It might be the Song of Summer but it needs to go on a little bit more to really earn its keep. I talked about earworms earlier, this is the only song I've really heard all year that sticks in my head. See, I like sort of country songs.

Midwestern Radio Hits

I don't know man, this is like, what I hear when I drive around. I really don't know how to even interpret the world any more. None of these are anywhere near the Billboard Hot 100 or Spotify Top 50. They just kind of exist under some long outdated model? Here we go!

"obsessed" by Olivia Rodrigo

I hear this all the time. It's not even one of her bigger hits from her last album but our radio loves it.

"End of Beginning" by Djo

"Agora Hills" by Doja Cat

I hear this all the time. Is it even a single of any kind? I dunno, it's been on the airwaves forever.

"You Broke Me First" by Tate McRae

I think some of these I have heard, like Benson Broome or whatever. Like, definite non-descript background noise.

Spider-Man 2: Twenty Years of Mayhem and Mirth

 It was a few days ago now, but for the twentieth anniversary of Spider-Man 2 I rewatched Sam Raimi's best superhero movie with one big question in mind - does it hold up? Is it still what I'd widely acknowledge as the greatest Spider-Man movie as well as the greatest superhero movie ever?

Yeah, it does.

So let's get into that, because damn this thing really does hold up. Like all the truly great films, it's because of a variety of things and they all come together in brilliant web-laced synergy. There is great action, compelling characters, sincere drama, and significant stakes that all come together with humor and cheekiness that you'd expect.

This, Lord of the Rings, Pirates, and the Matrix dominated early 2000s. What strikes me now is how deeply bizarre and auteuristic all these movies were. The 2000s were this time when corporations became punk (this should read: exploited punk and alt aesthetics for mainstream profit), and you see this a bit in movies. There was this great trust planted in fucking Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson, and the Wachowski siblings, all bizarre directors outside the mainstream who churned out really distinctive works to critical and commercial acclaim. It's just the direct opposite of what we see now. It's weird, the great irony is that as stakes get higher for studios they take less risks on auteur directors, which leads to more crap movies that don't offer that return on investment. There are obvious exceptions like Taika Waititi and James Gunn, both of whom I think have run their course for their own separate reasons.

Oh yeah, Spider-Man.

We got this a bit with Multiverse of Madness (2022), but there is so many distinctive Raimi zooms, angles, earnestness, and moments of pure horror in this. It brings such energy and zing to everything going on here. And it's not like the lighting or shot selection is very distinctive, it's lit naturally and for the most part the camera is steady with typical mid-level shots. But it's the zooms, wipes. Check out this seven seconds:

This is like, what I think of most. Robbie Robertson, played by Bill Nunn is just hanging out, he has no development at all, but you can still understand his relationship with J. Jonah Jameson as a respected dissenter and someone who defends Peter and Spider-Man. But man, that cut when Jonah waves his hand and Hoffman (Ted Raimi!) pops in is great. Hoffman is invented for the film and crowds a crowded room, but his sycophantic quisling contrasts Robbie's dissent and it adds so much color to a frenetic scene that's supposed to feel urgent and desperate.

Spider-Man 2 cuts the fat. It adds characters but doesn't become bloated both because it moves so fast and because the characters are distinctive and have purpose. They're stock but memorable. It all just works. That's a hard line to walk. I also noticed for the first time that Mr. Aziz runs Joe's Pizza. Joe Aziz! Pizza time.

There's a lot more going on here. Elizabeth Banks in an early role. So is Joel McHale! Donnell Rawlings and Hal Sparks showing up make this the most 2004 movie ever. And after a long legacy of being an art freak weirdo, Oscar nominee, stoner comedy star, and sexual abuser, James Franco popping up here is like "Oh yeah...James Franco..." I've always thought he was terrible in this. "Noble Prize, Otto, Noble Prize!" It's so rough. Part of that is an awkward script, but he really seems like he doesn't want to be here. He's here because he was in the last one and they're setting him up for the next one. Harry does drive the plot a bit, and having your best friend hate you adds tension to Peter, making him more alone, so that's something.

Let's talk comic book logic, which I really appreciate in our current Wikipedia, lore-driven age of over-explanation. So, Doc Ock robs a bank to get money to rebuild his machine, and I feel like this scene moves so fast that we tend to skip over it. He's successful in that bank robbery, and then he just acquires the parts to build his machine. Off what, eBay? Like, I guess he just kept the phone numbers of the companies he ordered parts from? Same with Spider-Man's suit, it is so damn high quality to just be ordered by some random poor pizza delivery boy / grad student. But who cares, move past it, move past it. They straight up acknowledge Dr. Strange exists in this universe, I've always thought maybe there's something bigger out there. But it feels like such a comic book, no one even thinks having four metal arms is that weird.

And fuckin A, how the hell is inventing indestructible metal arms with advanced AI that has a spinal-neural interface a side note to the fusion generator? Like, did he also just casually invent these arms? How could he be working on his reactor and think, "What is the best way to control occasional flares and handle the tritium? Probably four giant metal arms with advanced AI in 2004. And this is not a nitpick, because I don't think its a bad thing at all, it's just part of this movie saying, "Listen, this a comic book, it's pulp, it's stupid, just move on, move on, go with it." At the time I didn't realize how much I took that ethos for granted.

I also think this stuff only works in part because the drama is so real and sincere. This is a pivotal scene for everyone, Ock and Franco sure, but also Peter (How was Michael Keaton's Vulture the only one to figure out that Peter Parker is definitely Spider-Man because he always shows up where Peter is, btw), who loses yet another potential father figure, and possibly the only good thing in his life, his paper on Otto Octavius which could save his grades. It's just blow after blow for this guy.

It eschews the tropes of the genre, eliminating any kind of power fantasy but thoroughly demonstrating how much being Spider-Man absolutely sucks. The whole deal is why be Spider-Man? And the answer is entirely because of the great power and great responsibility deal. It's still a good lesson to learn. Why be good at all when everything in the world is conspiring against you? Because it's your duty, period. That's a tough lesson. Peter Parker feels like Job in this, just brutalized through and through.

There's this psychological deep dive, though. Peter doubts himself and is overladen with stress, and that starts to affect his powers. I always though, like, just test if you can climb a wall, don't jump off a building, Peter. But I know they had to do that back joke after Tobey injured himself for real. Having powers becomes the central conflict of the film.

And he really shouldn't worry about Mary Jane being in danger if she learns his secret identity or if they shack up together. She gets kidnapped plenty of times already. Also these movies do feel thinner when you put it together that the same basic plot of Mary Jane being kidnapped by a villain created by a science experiment gone awry. I mean, play the hits, why not. I think we've progressed beyond, or at least been made aware of, both the damsel in distress and woman in fridge tropes (Spider-Man 2 does both, although I'd argue that Otto losing Rosie isn't as big a motivator for him than just becoming an evil cartoonish supervillain. I think it moreso just shreds his connection to humanity, poetry, right-brained stuff. And just don't have an English professor be your self-sustaining fusion generator lab tech).

On the topic of the movie's climax, that whole famous train sequence exists story-wise solely to exhaust Spider-Man and make him an easier catch, which I'm actually not sure I've ever seen in a movie before. It's kind of an evolution of the Green Goblin's choice, fight me or save people. Spider-Man obviously always saves people, but Ock uses this to his advantage. He also gets super murdery as soon as the arms take over. Who cares, he's the bad guy, he does bad guy stuff. I don't think he ever actually kills anyone. But the threat he makes to peel the flesh from MJ's bones seems really credible.

But it's also a very New York-scale event. I like keeping Spider-Man in the "save the city" realm. It keeps him very ground level, like a Daredevil or Punisher, even though his power set always feels like it should be world-saving A-tier. I think the two most recent Tom Holland Spider-Man films stretched him that far, but Homecoming (2017) keeps him pretty limited. It's right there in the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man title, it helps because he is just a guy who needs to make it to class, catch a show, and deliver pizzas. Like, he can't be galivanting all over the world. It's because he is just a random dude who this responsibility was thrust upon. It's not his job to be a superhero, he didn't choose it, but he does it anyway, and that's really the entire point of Spider-Man.

You know what else gets that right? The Miles Morales Spider-Verse Spider-Man but we all know those are perfect movies anyway.

Maybe we'll talk leads. Molina is amazing, Tobey is always a better Peter Parker than he is a Spider-Man, he's just not that quick witted, funny, or scathing. To be honest, no live action Spider-Man has been able to nail how funny he is. Maybe because it really really contradicts with how shy and nerdy Peter is, but that's all part of the act. Or like, psychosis. He's an inverse Batman.

I really like Kirsten Dunst and where she's gone in the past twenty years, but she's sleep walking through this role, dude. Right here she really doesn't look like she knows what's going on: 

I mean, I love this shit. It's so weird. Such a bizarre take to leave in. It gives the film a lot of energy, a cutting as they go kind of feel. I don't know why that doesn't make it bad. I think it's just vibes. It soars on vibes. I'd call "Raindrops Pouring on My Head" ironic, but they kind of play it straight here.

The whole movie is so earnest, shockingly so. It frees itself from the superhero origin stuff and is able to just launch you straight into everything. I mean, the moral is that you need to be heroic for heroic's sake for goodness' sake. Pace wise it's unnervingly efficient. It's really about an hour and forty of real stuff before denouement and credits. Unreal. Mostly because it's just focusing on one guy and one situation. This might inevitably bleed into why Spider-Man 3 (2007) doesn't work, but I also actually think that follows one concept. Spider-Man 2 is what happens when everything goes wrong for Peter while 3 is what happens when everything goes right. Somehow the latter is far worse, and that's what makes it a challenging Spider-Man story.

So, this is great, it's thrilling, funny, distinctive, compelling, has a great arc, stakes, and is a really great Spider-Man story. It holds up, it's still the best, I'll take any challengers.

Summer Jam 2023 SUMMER IS BRACK BRABY!

It's time again that I was compelled to create a brand new Summer Jam List! I mean, as you can tell, this blog has fallen on rough times. I blame the birth of my son, the cause of all my problems.

Actually, it's moreso that life is made up of much more than my thoughts on why The Fall Guy (2023) faltered. Hrmmm...maybe we should bring back Road to a Blockbuster...

Anyway, I'm diggin some tunes lately, so we gotta list them here!

"Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

I'm realizing I've had "Feather" in my head for weeks, but "Espresso" the Ostrich is definitely the hotter jam. It just hasn't hit my hometown of Middle America yet. Sabrina Carpenter is fine, she's got a good time, some spicy attitude, definitely feels like an industry plant, but hey, Olivia Rodrigo proved me wrong. There's a sameness to all her songs but they're ethereal and catchy enough.

"Not Like Us" by Kendrick Lamar

This song didn't blow my mind at first, but the more I listen to it, the more it simultaneously feels like Kendrick's most mainstream, attention-grabbing song, but also very removed and isolated like his work tends to be. I don't know anything about the Drake Beef or whatever, I dunno, Drake is like the softest cat in the game, who cares. It's like beefing with an actual piece of beef. Not much on the radio yet, but that's not even a thing anymore.

"A Bar Song" by Shaboozey

I've been obsessed with this one. I can't remember a song working its way so into my brain since...well, "Old Town Road" for lack of a better Black Country Comparison. The video is captivating, too. I don't know what it is, I think it's partially the off-center framing, the escalation of dance moves corresponding to the rhythm, and the juxtaposition of these white good ol' boys in the background who are simultaneously very modern with this black guy singing country to a hip hop beat and partially remixing J-Kwon's 2004 "Tipsy" which I don't think anyone except people my age remember.

Others

Yeah, let's bust up that 16-year old eight a week formula. I just don't actually care about any other song. There's like, a lot of Billie Eilish that's the same depressed shit, Taylor which is good for Taylor, Beyonce's Country Album, which is about exactly as good as Snoop Dogg's reggae album (I actually do like that...sort of), some Morgan Wallen, Post Malone, Hozier which blows. "Million Dollar Baby" is a strong number two and I just need to be exposed to that more or something, it's not hooking me.

That's it. We'll be back next month. Maybe. Go on with your lives! Happy start of the Seventeen-Week Summer Season!

OSCAR Prediction Results - not that bad!

Another Oscar season has now passed and obviously I did pretty well when I stopped really paying attention to anything. It was in general a ceremony that didn't fill me with rage, either! There wasn't really a single win that's upsetting, but I don't know if I'd take no wins for Maestro for no wins for Killers of the Flower Moon. Let's get into everything:

Best Picture

American Fiction
Anatomy of a Fall
Barbie
The Holdovers
Killers of the Flower Moon
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Past Lives
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Predicted Winner: Oppenheimer

Actual Winner: Oppenheimer

1/1

Got it! Now this was the easiest call in recent memory. There were some close calls, but looking back, none really seem like they could have been a credible threat.

Best Actress

Annette Bening, Nyad
Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon
Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
Carey Mulligan, Maestro
Emma Stone, Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Gladstone

Actual Winner: Stone

1/2

Hey, this was our toss-up and I failed it. I wouldn't have gone for the double young white girl winner over what could have been a great moment for American Indian actors, but oh well. To be fair, Stone knocks this out of the park, probably better than Lily, and it was way better than La La Land (2016).

Best Actor

Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Colman Domingo, Rustin
Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers
Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction

Predicted Winner: Murphy

Actual Winner: Murphy

2/3

I was so close to picking Giamatti, but I'm glad I went with my guy for Cillian. Well deserved, phenomenal work, no gripes here.

Best Supporting Actress

Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer
Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple
America Ferrera, Barbie
Jodie Foster, Nyad
Da'Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Predicted Winner: Randolph

Actual Winner: Randolph

3/4

I don't know what this role is even about but a clear cut predicted winner. Easy.

Best Supporting Actor

Sterling K. Brown, American Fiction
Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon
Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer
Ryan Gosling, Barbie
Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Predicted Winner: RDJ

Actual Winner: RDJ

4/5

I don't think Gosling was ever a real contender. This is a great win for Robert Downey, Jr. What a career, what a turn around for this guy.

Best Director

Justine Triet, Anatomy of a Fall
Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things
Jonathan Glazer, The Zone of Interest

Predicted Winner: Nolan

Actual Winner: Nolan

5/6

Finally, Academy Award winning director Chris Nolan. Righteous. The best is still to come!

Best Original Screenplay

Anatomy of a Fall
The Holdovers
Maestro
May December
Past Lives

Predicted Winner: Anatomy of a Fall

Actual Winner: Anatomy of a Fall

6/7

This turned out to be easy, even if I was skeptical that this could actually pull it off. But it ended up being the heavy favorite. I have no real issues, glad to get the nod.

Best Adapted Screenplay

American Fiction
Barbie
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Predicted Winner: American Fiction

Actual Winner: American Fiction

7/8

BAM! I never get these right. This just really felt like an American Fiction category, but I'm always wrong about that stuff, so this is great.

Best Cinematography

El Conde
Killers of the Flower Moon
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Killers of the Flower Moon

Actual Winner: Oppenheimer

7/9

So Oppenheimer ended up just crushing everything, I really wasn't thinking Flower Moon would walk away with nothing, but that's that, I guess. It was a really clear sweep instead of any even distribution. I hedged my bets a bit because it's rare that the favorite actually does win everything, but hey - it did!

Best Original Score

American Fiction
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Oppenheimer

Actual Winner: Oppenheimer

8/10

I mean, thanks Oppenheimer for making it generally easy. I through it out for Cinematography but thought it would get the score still, and I nailed that one.

Best Original Song

"The Fire Inside," Flamin' Hot
"I'm Just Ken," Barbie
"It Never Went Away," American Symphony
"Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)," Killers of the Flower Moon
"What Was I Made For?" Barbie

Winner: "I'm Just Ken," Barbie

Actual Winner: The other song from Barbie

8/11

Alright, whatever. I shouldn't have missed this open lay-up. Bonehead, but c'mon, even the performance at the ceremony was mind-blowing. Why are we going with the sappier ballad? I know, I know, we all knew what they'd choose. I suck.

Best Editing

Anatomy of a Fall
The Holdovers
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Oppenheimer

Actual Winner: Oppenheimer

9/12

Got 'em.

Best Production Design

Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Napoleon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Barbie

Actual Winner: Poor Things

9/13

Poor Things had a very good night and while this is deserved, I still think Barbie should have had the edge, but ultimately despite a lot of fanfare throughout the night, Barbie didn't really pull down that many accolades. Poor Things did and it was an easy clean up here. I don't think I would have ever picked this, so oh well.

Best Costume Design

Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Napoleon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Predicted Winner: Poor Things

Actual Winner: Poor Things

10/14

I nailed this one, it was in the right zone of period piece, but also really weird and distinctive.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

Golda
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
Society of the Snow

Predicted Winner: Maestro

Actual Winner: Poor Things

10/15

So I had mentioned Poor Things as being the most deserving, and I can't believe it actually pulled this off. I didn't think it'd get past Maestro or Oppenheimer. Poor Things is so bizarre because it calls so much attention to its artificiality and not to mention that it is so damn deeply, deeply weird. Oscars are going for these boffo pics lately, which is amazing.

Best Sound

The Creator
Maestro
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
Oppenheimer
The Zone of Interest

Predicted Winner: Oppenheimer

Actual Winner: The Zone of Interest

10/16

I would have definitely never picked this one. Like how? I mean, I know it's good but amazing that Oppie dropped this one of all categories, and to a really small scale film. It's all really cool and great for cinema but just surprising as hell. This always goes to war or action films.

Best Visual Effects

The Creator
Godzilla Minus One
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
Napoleon

Predicted Winner: Godzilla Minus One

Actual Winner: Godzilla Minus One

11/17

Yay! Such a good win. Good for Godzilla, great for action figures. I love it.

Best International Feature

Io Capitano
Perfect Days
Society of the Snow
The Teachers' Lounge
The Zone of Interest

Precited Winner: The Zone of Interest

Actual Winner: The Zone of Interest

12/18

Another very easy one, simple win.

Best Animated Feature

The Boy and the Heron
Elemental
Nimona
Robot Dreams
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Predicted Winner: The Boy and the Heron

Actual Winner: The Boy and the Heron

13/19

I literally fist-pumped. Not that I didn't like AtSV, I adored that film, but it never felt as real of a contender as the Heron. I'm just happy I got a rogue pick for once.

Best Animated Short

Letter to a Pig
Ninety-Five Senses
Our Uniform
Pachyderme
War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

Predicted Winner: John and Yoko

Actual Winner: John and Yoko

14/20

Yeah, I guess. Can't believe I actually won this. When you get the shorts, it just seals it as a good year.

Best Live-Action Short

The After
Invincible
Knight of Fortune
Red, White and Blue
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Predicted Winner: Sugar

Actual Winner: Sugar

15/21

Thank you Wes Anderson for definitely guaranteeing an easy Oscar prediction in a category that is usually stupid as hell.

Best Documentary Feature

Bobi Wine: The People's President
The Eternal Memory
Four Daughters
To Kill a Tiger
20 Days in Mariupol

Predicted Winner: Mariupol

Actual Winner: Mariupol

16/22

Again, easy one. I'm happy with it!

Best Documentary Short

The ABCs of Book Banning
The Barber of Little Rock
Island in Between
The Last Repair Shop
Nǎi Nai and Wài Pó

Winner: Book Burning

Actual Winner: Repair Shop

16/23

Ok, whatever.

Anyway, 16/23 is the most I've ever gotten in the modern, 23-category era, and ties my second highest best years ever. And I should have probably gotten 17 with the right Barbie song. I maybe could have picked Poor Things for make-up and hairstyling I wasn't a bitter, jaded guy who was convinced I'd lose, but I don't think I would have changed anything else. I'm happy with the haul, so let's update the annual records:

First, our annual records:

2024: 16/23

2023: 11/23

2022: 12/23

2021: 12/23

2020: 13/24 

2019: 13/24 

2018: 16/24 

2017: 13/24 

2016: 14/24 

2015: 13/24 

2014: 20/24 

2013: 14/24 

2012: 16/24 

2011: 14/24 

2010: 12/24 

182nd Annual Oscar Prediction Post

We're here once again to give our Oscar predictions! Now, on a good year we're lucky to get like 50% of these things right. This is an exceptional year, though, as it's loaded with front runners, especially in the dud categories, so we're hoping for a little more. We'll see as always for Hollywood's Dumbest Night!

Best Picture
American Fiction
Anatomy of a Fall
Barbie
The Holdovers
Killers of the Flower Moon
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Past Lives
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Winner: Oppenheimer

With all the major necessary awards and truly the cherriest of combos - historical biopic, popular, critically acclaimed, lots of acting noms, a deserved director, this seems like one of the more in the bag predictions of the last few years. What a strange world we're living in. Thanks a lot, Oppenheimer.

Best Actress

Annette Bening, Nyad
Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon
Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
Carey Mulligan, Maestro
Emma Stone, Poor Things

Winner: Gladstone

This one's tough. I can see Emma Stone pulling this off, but I also can't see her as being a two-time Academy Award winner. Then again, you've got Christoph Waltz and Mahershala Ali doing these things recently and I doubted them for the same reason. I kind of think KotFM is just too popular to not win anything.

Best Actor

Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Colman Domingo, Rustin
Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers
Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction

Winner: Murphy

I don't know, I could eat my hat on this. Murphy seems to be the frontrunner but Giamatti is right there. I think after cleaning up BAFTA and SAG there isn't much more wiggle room for Giamatti, and it's got everything the Academy usually likes, AND well deserved for once.

Best Supporting Actress

Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer
Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple
America Ferrera, Barbie
Jodie Foster, Nyad
Da'Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Winner: Randolph

No one seems to talk about how the Academy DEFINITELY gives supporting awards to black folk, particularly black women as a way of saying they're invited to the party but aren't the main show. I think it's racist. I haven't seen The Holdovers and maybe Randolph is a revelation and I'm sure she is actually deserving but it's the same reason the white hero always has black sidekicks in Marvel movies.

Best Supporting Actor

Sterling K. Brown, American Fiction
Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon
Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer
Ryan Gosling, Barbie
Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Winner: RDJ

I mean, c'mon this would be pretty sweet.

Best Director

Justine Triet, Anatomy of a Fall
Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things
Jonathan Glazer, The Zone of Interest

 Winner: Nolan

It's about time, I just don't think anyone catches him at this point. The Academy has liked to split this, but there aren't really enough viable films contending here to earn that. And Lanthimos probably did the best job, but they're not awarding fucking Yorgos Lanthimos.

Best Original Screenplay

Anatomy of a Fall
The Holdovers
Maestro
May December
Past Lives

Winner: Anatomy of a Fall

I would have picked something safer like The Holdovers in a vacuum, but this thing just keeps sweeping awards and seems to be the clear favorite. I'm a big May December guy myself, which got to no attention anywhere, but I don't think it can win here. All these films are pretty high profile in an indie writing sense, so it'd be fun anywhere. Except Maestro. Screw that bait.

Best Adapted Screenplay

American Fiction
Barbie
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Winner: American Fiction

Doesn't it feel like this is a category where a film like American Fiction should win? Just outside, but still popular, but not International. I don't think Oppenheimer will totally sweep just because that's really rare, and c'mon, how is Barbie adapted from anything. Bizarre.

Best Cinematography

El Conde
Killers of the Flower Moon
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Winner: Killers of the Flower Moon

El Conde was really good! It won't get attention here. And Poor Things is doing more things with the camera than most films. Oppenheimer is the heavy favorite, but again, it's not going to win everything and I think the next biggest can upset here.

Best Original Score

American Fiction
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Winner: Oppenheimer

See, this is where no one gets upset. Oppenheimer is definitely the best nominee here and then we can all move on with our lives.

Best Original Song

"The Fire Inside," Flamin' Hot
"I'm Just Ken," Barbie
"It Never Went Away," American Symphony
"Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)," Killers of the Flower Moon
"What Was I Made For?" Barbie

Winner: "I'm Just Ken," Barbie

I legit think "I'm Just Ken" can do this, it's the most notable song of the year, everyone knows it, it's top to bottom solid. Everyone thinks the other Barbie song will get it, why bro? It's boring af. I think people say they'll vote with their hearts and minds, but they are really going to vote with their butts. We'll see if I bungle this slam dunk category. So Flamin' Hot was a real movie, eh?

Best Editing

Anatomy of a Fall
The Holdovers
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Winner: Oppenheimer

Move on with our lives

Best Production Design

Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Napoleon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Winner: Barbie

Barbie had legit the best production design I've seen in a real long time and seems to be leading the pack here. Very deserved and would be an awesome win.

Best Costume Design

Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Napoleon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Winner: Poor Things

Is it weird that I don't think Barbie's costuming is that great? It's not like the production design. I think this has gone to a lot of sci-fi and period pieces in the past and Poor Things fits that bill well, especially if it is actually as loved as the nominations are pointing it out to be.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

Golda
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
Society of the Snow

Winner: Maestro

I picked the one that I want to win the least, which means it will. Oh, you always slap a fake nose on someone and it wins an Oscar. It's stupid. We'll see if this can go to Poor Things or the actually underrated subtlety of Oppenheimer instead,

Best Sound

The Creator
Maestro
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
Oppenheimer
The Zone of Interest

Winner: Oppenheimer

Hey, there are some fun nominees here, but dude for the pep rally alone you know Oppenheimer is walking away with this one.

Best Visual Effects

The Creator
Godzilla Minus One
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
Napoleon

Winner: Godzilla Minus One

I think this has some more momentum behind it - The Creator is a great second pick but I just don't think it was that widely seen or had a lot of buzz. I also really just want to see Marvel and Tom Cruise stew about being beat by these real low budget flicks.

Best International Feature

Io Capitano
Perfect Days
Society of the Snow
The Teachers' Lounge
The Zone of Interest

Winner: The Zone of Interest

Easily the most high profile film here. Done.

Best Animated Feature

The Boy and the Heron
Elemental
Nimona
Robot Dreams
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Winner: The Boy and the Heron

As pumped as I was for the first Spider-Verse movie to win, I don't think the sequel pulls it off when there's a new Miyazaki film at play.

Best Animated Short

Letter to a Pig
Ninety-Five Senses
Our Uniform
Pachyderme
War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

Winner: John and Yoko

You're telling me folks aren't going to just vote for the Beatles.

Best Live-Action Short

The After
Invincible
Knight of Fortune
Red, White and Blue
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Winner: Sugar

Easily the most high profile release, Wes Anderson, big names, people saw it on Netflix. Could be upset, but dang bro playing with fire in a house of matches this one.

Best Documentary Feature

Bobi Wine: The People's President
The Eternal Memory
Four Daughters
To Kill a Tiger
20 Days in Mariupol

Winner: Mariupol

Madripool or whatever sounds good

Best Documentary Short

The ABCs of Book Banning
The Barber of Little Rock
Island in Between
The Last Repair Shop
Nǎi Nai and Wài Pó

Winner: Book Burning

 My stars, my stars, a year where the bobo categories seem obvious? What a world. We'll see, we could all still be super wrong.