You heard it here, first, folks! The year 2019 will be the greatest year for movies in the 10,000 history of humanity. You'll be grateful that Norwegian Morning Wood broke this story first! Last year we actually weren't too bad in our looking ahead predictions. Chances are pretty high that this will be the exact End of Year List we go through next December. Let's begin:
Godzilla: King of the Monsters - 05/19
This may seem weird. Godzilla (2014) was kinda shitty for the first 90 minutes but delivered a satisfying ending fight. I didn't even see Kong: Skull Island (2017) but it apparently wasn't total shit. That's something I guess. I'm still a fan of the Big G, though, and a film that promises Rodan, Mothra, and the biggest bastard of them all, King Ghidorah in fully realized glory all directed by Michael Dougherty of Trick R Treat (2007) and Krampus (2015) fame sounds good on paper. Even though Toho knocked anything American Godzilla can do out of the par with Shin Godzilla (2016), this should give us a good dose of monsters, fire breath, and hurricane wing winds. Or it'll just blow all its goodwill like Gareth Edwards' take.
Avengers: Endgame - 04/26
Infinity War was the culmination of a lot of threads building up to the ultimate battle against a Universal threat. Then Thanos won and everybody died. Endgame promises a lot, but will it deliver a lame cop out or some true pathos for these characters? The trailer pretends we're not just going to go back in time via Ant-Man and the Quantum Realm and change everything. Still - THIS, I promise, THIS ONE will be the last one, I swear. At any rate, it's a momentous shift from the past ten years of Marvel Superhero films (totally this one and not another one ten years from now), and we just gotta see how this ends. Again.
Detective Pikachu - 05/19
What the hell is this? How is the first live action Pokemon movie a thoroughly American affair starring Ryan Reynolds? Based on the Detective Pikachu offshoot brand of all things. Where's my Pokemon Snap movie?! The trailer had charm, nostalgia, wit, mystery, and a whole lot of really weird and creepy furry shenanigans to pique my interest. Sure it's based on a previous property, but it looks bold in a way other retreads don't. Could this become the greatest video game movie of all time?
Spider-Man: Far From Home - 07/05
If you know anything about me by now, it's that I like my superhero movies real, real weird. Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio fits that bill and that's a major reason to be excited for this. We got a trailer just under the wire, and we can already deduce a few things - like, are the elemental monsters attacking London all a ruse or do we really get Hydro-Man and Molten Man in the mix? I just hope we can get something like this or this, or hell, even Mysterio created Old Man Logan. Mysterio is the shit and totally bonkers. His powers are so limited - he's just a special effects artist...but generally that's enough leeway to make him the most powerful villain of all time.
Joker - 10/04
This anti-hero movie is in the same slot as Venom (2018) was this year - and although that movie was fairly dumb, it was still a nice little side adventure through brain eating and lethal protection. Joker is good enough to attract Joaquin Phoenix to work for Todd Phillips alongside Robert DeNiro and Zazie Beetz for some reason. This is the age we're at now - where we get the giant bombastic superhero movies, but they're also just our psychotic character dramas and dark comedies now, too. Whatever it takes. Phillips always walks that weird dark edge, and Joaquin is amazing, so hopes are high. This is in addition to the fact that every non-Jared Leto Joker has been instantly iconic.
Ad Astra - 05/24
This is like Interstellar (2014) but with Brad Pitt and Tommy Lee Jones, directed by James Gray, who has given us many long, contemplative films, most recently Lost City of Z (2016), which is totally underrated. We don't know too much more about this other than it has something to do with finding Tommy Lee Jones in space across some long journey. We're down.
Six Underground - Sometime
This is a $150 million Michael Bay Netflix movie starring Ryan Reynolds written by the dudes who made Deadpool (2016). This is the biggest no brainer of all time. Despite spending most of his time churning out Transformers movies that have all gotten worse with time, Bay did gift us with Pain & Gain (2013) which showed that his whip-fast, heavy cut, in-your-face style can actually be extremely effective with the right source material. Plus it's Netflix - total no brainer watch.
Knives Out - 11/27
Moving on from blockbusters, this is some kind of Daniel Craig murder mystery by Rian Johnson. Listen, The Last Jedi (2017) gets better every time I watch it, and I'm excited with what he can do with a smaller story. There's not a ton of info yet about this, and to be honest, a who-dunnit is either contrived or gives itself away too early, but Johnson can dig into these tropes and give us something interesting. I hope.
The Lighthouse - Someday
In 2016 Robert Eggers gave us The Witch, and this is his follow-up - some kind of monster maritime thing starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson. We know it's a black and white horror fantasy of some kind, which seems right up Eggers' alley. The Witch is endlessly rewarding and Eggers is an incredible visual filmmaker who is also pretty proud of brutally murdering babies in his first scene. Sea Monsters are in these days.
Uncut Gems - Whenever
Speaking of Rober Pattinson, the Safdie Brothers were last seen behind Good Time (2017) but this time nabbed Adam Sandler, LaKeith Stanfield, and Idina Menzel for some reason. This is a "what the hell" kind of stunt casting, but I was really into their style in Good Time. Sandler has moments of brilliance whenever he's not in an Adam Sandler movie and this is some kind of diamond crime drama movie. Maybe he's a crusty jewel thief? Whatever, we'll see it.
Other Movies That Might Not Suck:
Rocketman - To me, Bohemian Rhapsody didn't go nearly gay enough. Hopefully the Elton John version can correct that.
Ford vs Ferrari - James Mangold does a car rivalry film
Boss Level - the beginning of the long and storied acting career of Rob Gronkowski
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - I don't think Tarantino is totally washed of his Weinstein association, and the Manson connection here seems exploitative, but this movie will probably be very good.
SHAZAM! - DC is finally getting fun and weird
Hobbes and Shaw - the only two great remaining parts of the Fast and Furious franchise
Velvet Buzzsaw - This also just got a trailer and it's weird as hell. I love how Jake Gyllenhaal has gone crazy.
Brightburn - what if Superman was evil. Or more like, what if he just was Superman - we couldn't handle that shit. This should poke holes in all of Man of Steel (2013)'s pretensions.
Cold Pursuit - what the fuck is the tone of this trailer going for? This will always be known as the Liam Neeson snowplow movie.
Us - this looks nuts. Lupita, Peele, and M'Baku are a good combination.
There are some other big films that we've ignored here. If I were to get real, Captain Marvel looks okay in the sense that I'll definitely catch up with it on Netflix in a few months, but I don't see it elevating above Doctor Strange (2016) good but not great levels. We're also getting a ton of Disney live action sequels that I could totally care less about (somehow Dumbo, Aladdin, AND The Lion King). There are also high profile Disney Animated films Toy Story 4 and Frozen 2, that I don't really think can improve on the perfect of their previous installments.
Hmm. These were all Disney movies. The studio is either going to have an amazing year or a terrible one. With Mary Poppins Returns (2018) sinking I wonder if the studio that could do no wrong will turn a corner. Then again, they've had at least as many high profile flops, from John Carter (2012) to Pete's Dragon (2016) to A Wrinkle in Time (2018) over the past few years. We'll see.
What are you hyped for?
Godzilla: King of the Monsters - 05/19
This may seem weird. Godzilla (2014) was kinda shitty for the first 90 minutes but delivered a satisfying ending fight. I didn't even see Kong: Skull Island (2017) but it apparently wasn't total shit. That's something I guess. I'm still a fan of the Big G, though, and a film that promises Rodan, Mothra, and the biggest bastard of them all, King Ghidorah in fully realized glory all directed by Michael Dougherty of Trick R Treat (2007) and Krampus (2015) fame sounds good on paper. Even though Toho knocked anything American Godzilla can do out of the par with Shin Godzilla (2016), this should give us a good dose of monsters, fire breath, and hurricane wing winds. Or it'll just blow all its goodwill like Gareth Edwards' take.
Avengers: Endgame - 04/26
Infinity War was the culmination of a lot of threads building up to the ultimate battle against a Universal threat. Then Thanos won and everybody died. Endgame promises a lot, but will it deliver a lame cop out or some true pathos for these characters? The trailer pretends we're not just going to go back in time via Ant-Man and the Quantum Realm and change everything. Still - THIS, I promise, THIS ONE will be the last one, I swear. At any rate, it's a momentous shift from the past ten years of Marvel Superhero films (totally this one and not another one ten years from now), and we just gotta see how this ends. Again.
Detective Pikachu - 05/19
What the hell is this? How is the first live action Pokemon movie a thoroughly American affair starring Ryan Reynolds? Based on the Detective Pikachu offshoot brand of all things. Where's my Pokemon Snap movie?! The trailer had charm, nostalgia, wit, mystery, and a whole lot of really weird and creepy furry shenanigans to pique my interest. Sure it's based on a previous property, but it looks bold in a way other retreads don't. Could this become the greatest video game movie of all time?
Spider-Man: Far From Home - 07/05
If you know anything about me by now, it's that I like my superhero movies real, real weird. Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio fits that bill and that's a major reason to be excited for this. We got a trailer just under the wire, and we can already deduce a few things - like, are the elemental monsters attacking London all a ruse or do we really get Hydro-Man and Molten Man in the mix? I just hope we can get something like this or this, or hell, even Mysterio created Old Man Logan. Mysterio is the shit and totally bonkers. His powers are so limited - he's just a special effects artist...but generally that's enough leeway to make him the most powerful villain of all time.
Joker - 10/04
This anti-hero movie is in the same slot as Venom (2018) was this year - and although that movie was fairly dumb, it was still a nice little side adventure through brain eating and lethal protection. Joker is good enough to attract Joaquin Phoenix to work for Todd Phillips alongside Robert DeNiro and Zazie Beetz for some reason. This is the age we're at now - where we get the giant bombastic superhero movies, but they're also just our psychotic character dramas and dark comedies now, too. Whatever it takes. Phillips always walks that weird dark edge, and Joaquin is amazing, so hopes are high. This is in addition to the fact that every non-Jared Leto Joker has been instantly iconic.
Ad Astra - 05/24
This is like Interstellar (2014) but with Brad Pitt and Tommy Lee Jones, directed by James Gray, who has given us many long, contemplative films, most recently Lost City of Z (2016), which is totally underrated. We don't know too much more about this other than it has something to do with finding Tommy Lee Jones in space across some long journey. We're down.
Six Underground - Sometime
This is a $150 million Michael Bay Netflix movie starring Ryan Reynolds written by the dudes who made Deadpool (2016). This is the biggest no brainer of all time. Despite spending most of his time churning out Transformers movies that have all gotten worse with time, Bay did gift us with Pain & Gain (2013) which showed that his whip-fast, heavy cut, in-your-face style can actually be extremely effective with the right source material. Plus it's Netflix - total no brainer watch.
Knives Out - 11/27
Moving on from blockbusters, this is some kind of Daniel Craig murder mystery by Rian Johnson. Listen, The Last Jedi (2017) gets better every time I watch it, and I'm excited with what he can do with a smaller story. There's not a ton of info yet about this, and to be honest, a who-dunnit is either contrived or gives itself away too early, but Johnson can dig into these tropes and give us something interesting. I hope.
The Lighthouse - Someday
In 2016 Robert Eggers gave us The Witch, and this is his follow-up - some kind of monster maritime thing starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson. We know it's a black and white horror fantasy of some kind, which seems right up Eggers' alley. The Witch is endlessly rewarding and Eggers is an incredible visual filmmaker who is also pretty proud of brutally murdering babies in his first scene. Sea Monsters are in these days.
Uncut Gems - Whenever
Speaking of Rober Pattinson, the Safdie Brothers were last seen behind Good Time (2017) but this time nabbed Adam Sandler, LaKeith Stanfield, and Idina Menzel for some reason. This is a "what the hell" kind of stunt casting, but I was really into their style in Good Time. Sandler has moments of brilliance whenever he's not in an Adam Sandler movie and this is some kind of diamond crime drama movie. Maybe he's a crusty jewel thief? Whatever, we'll see it.
Other Movies That Might Not Suck:
Rocketman - To me, Bohemian Rhapsody didn't go nearly gay enough. Hopefully the Elton John version can correct that.
Ford vs Ferrari - James Mangold does a car rivalry film
Boss Level - the beginning of the long and storied acting career of Rob Gronkowski
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - I don't think Tarantino is totally washed of his Weinstein association, and the Manson connection here seems exploitative, but this movie will probably be very good.
SHAZAM! - DC is finally getting fun and weird
Hobbes and Shaw - the only two great remaining parts of the Fast and Furious franchise
Velvet Buzzsaw - This also just got a trailer and it's weird as hell. I love how Jake Gyllenhaal has gone crazy.
Brightburn - what if Superman was evil. Or more like, what if he just was Superman - we couldn't handle that shit. This should poke holes in all of Man of Steel (2013)'s pretensions.
Cold Pursuit - what the fuck is the tone of this trailer going for? This will always be known as the Liam Neeson snowplow movie.
Us - this looks nuts. Lupita, Peele, and M'Baku are a good combination.
There are some other big films that we've ignored here. If I were to get real, Captain Marvel looks okay in the sense that I'll definitely catch up with it on Netflix in a few months, but I don't see it elevating above Doctor Strange (2016) good but not great levels. We're also getting a ton of Disney live action sequels that I could totally care less about (somehow Dumbo, Aladdin, AND The Lion King). There are also high profile Disney Animated films Toy Story 4 and Frozen 2, that I don't really think can improve on the perfect of their previous installments.
Hmm. These were all Disney movies. The studio is either going to have an amazing year or a terrible one. With Mary Poppins Returns (2018) sinking I wonder if the studio that could do no wrong will turn a corner. Then again, they've had at least as many high profile flops, from John Carter (2012) to Pete's Dragon (2016) to A Wrinkle in Time (2018) over the past few years. We'll see.
What are you hyped for?
Avengers: Endgame and Spider-Man: Far From Home will be awesome
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