First Impressions: Hairy Pothead and the Breastly Swallows: Fart Poo

There's a nice, family-oriented title for you guys. This was Potter Weekend, baby. Despite that there actually wasn't that much on ABC Family, although they did have one of their very rare Harry Potter Weekend Events the weekend prior. If you hadn't heard, It All Ended and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) made an immense amount of cash this weekend. Needless to say, this doesn't guarantee that it'll be a runaway success, in fact, the impression I get is that everyone who wanted to see it ran to see it during its first weekend and that's that. Of course as time wears on anyone and everyone remotely interested in this nerdy little wizarding boy will have to check this out.

Snape!! Remember when you cried

But that's just it: This is a tough film to enjoy on its own merits. It really doesn't stand alone but must be instead judged along with the entirety of the Series. There are so many callbacks and characters who reemerge from older films that I imagine someone being pretty lost coming in for their first Harry Adventure. This is part of the brilliance as well as the downfall of this film - it is immeasurably interconnected with the preceding stories, which both ties the Franchise together really well and also leaves lots of head-scratching moments when we can't remember what happened way back in The Chamber of Semen (2002). Again, thank you lucky stars for ABC Family ensuring that we memorize the entire damn Franchise by airing it every weekend.

Now, I haven't read any of the books at all, but from what I can tell there was actually a change of pace in Fart Poo, as the books seem better. I naturally gathered this after skimming this Harry Potter Wikipedia. On the same site is a nifty list of differences, but I'll still gripe here.

The ending Battle of Hogwarts is huge, but it could have still been bigger. I'm not worried as much about the lack of Centaurs and Elves and crap in the film version, but I'd like to see more of the duels, like Voldemort against McGonagall, Slughorn and Shacklebolt and Neville burning under the Sorting Hat. Apparently this holds true for the book as well, but c'mon, we needed to have a moment to see Remus Lupin's death. This guy is one of the most sincere of all the characters in the whole series, a very likeable mentor to Harry and he's really just cast aside. It's terrible.

This is again both the greatness and bane of this franchise. It is full of so many good characters that it becomes difficult to give them all time. At this point though it's not difficult because there's less development necessary. We've known Remus since 2004, he deserves a death scene. I'm sorry, that really pissed me off. Somehow this movie felt rushed in parts like this. Harry and Ginny share a brief kiss and that's about it, apparently that's enough to ensure a marriage later on. Likewise they slid Neville and Luna's relationship in there at the last second as well, tho it's nice to see Neville a bit more confident.

Soon to become the most feared Death Eater of all

This is Neville's movie actually. He's got the most character development of anyone in the cast. I think he's interesting as this sort of parallel to Harry. He's the other kid who could have possibly fulfilled the Prophecy that Harry eventually would. He also lost his parents who were members of the Order of the Phoenix, just like Harry. It's just that he spent his first few years as a total boob while Harry was out stopping Voldemort at Age 10. Here though he's finally able to latch on to some of that bravery he's had inside him with Harry as his inspiration, stepping up to lead Dumbledore's Army while Harry the Boy Wonder is off trouncing around the English Countryside with his pals.

I always thought Draco would eventually become this great counter to Harry as well, but his role really petered out in this film. I mean, he was actually sort of really important because he (inadvertently) helped pass the Elder Wand over to Harry rather than Voldemort but he still didn't really DO anything. Neither did his parents, tho his mama Narcissa was instrumental in convincing Voldemort that Harry was dead after their little scuffle in the Forest. Still, I thought the Legacy of the Malfoys had been building up since the first film, instead Malfoy just proved that he really is a little wiener with no real reason for anyone to like him or care. He sucks.

So Ron and Hermione finally put it in during this film, which rules. Hermione is really showing off those little boobies of hers, which is pretty cool. They even have their own private Fuck Chamber. They're also lucky the Janitor never came by to clean up them Ol' Snake Bones.

That said, there is a bit of weird shit in this film. First of all, the Dumbledore Gay News invariably affects how he's wandering around that little dreamscape with Harry. What the hell is that, anyway? I was expecting Harry to encounter some ambiguous Indian Family at any second. I think the books did a nicer job of explaining what the hell was going on both with this scene and Voldemort's Final Death. It's actually not hard to understand that the Elder Wand saw Harry as its Master so the Killing Curse rebounded off him onto Voldemort. Instead in the film as soon as Nagini is killed Voldemort just kind of gets real ashy then oh it's over. Yay.

I just got snake venom in my eye.

I also cannot let Snape's Endless Boner for Lily Evans go without a comment. Does that Old Woman obsess much or what? There's this interesting conflict between him, Harry Potter and Harry's Parents. It's very clear that James Potter was just a total dick, I'm not sure how he had friends as good as Remus and Sirius or a wife as kindly as Lily. It's like Snape wanted to be a father to the Lily-part of Harry but not the James part. He gets off on looking in Harry's Lily Eyes as he dies, for sure. There are some weird emotions going on here, namely the fact that Snape is actually a Huge Whiny Emo Kid who couldn't get over not being picked over the popular jock kid. Thank goodness for his patheticism, if not Harry would have died years ago. The revelation that Snape was a double agent for Dumbledore is huge, his connection and love for Lily is what anchors him on the side of good, not unlike Harry's love for those around him as well as their unity for him. That's why they're able to win against Voldemort who is just an asshole.

I think Harry should have made this revelation to Voldemort as he did in the books, along with a final chance for redemption. It's important to show Harry's empathy and ability for friendship, which is possibly the only major difference between the two. Harry doesn't actually do a whole lot else during the battle, despite all the people dueling and dying around him. I do like how Harry calls him "Tom" as Dumbledore did and as McGonagall says, referring to him as "He Who May Not Be Named" is retarded because he's coming to roast their bones anyway.

Like I said earlier, it's important to recognise this movie in context against the seven that have come before it. Despite a lot of my complaints here, the film does an excellent job in bringing the story full circle. It's interesting to re-watch some of the Chris Columbus entries again to see a totally different Hogwarts. As Harry and Valmart battle through the castle it's all abandoned, partially rubble and mostly grey and terrifying rather than the warmth it used to have. The look and effects of this film are pushed so much further than prior films, it's an astounding ride. There's this real sense of shock throughout the whole thing, from the awe of Griphook and Ollivander at the start through to Slughorn and Filius Fitwick's frowny battle faces. Really the kids are the only ones who cling to hope, believing that they must destroy the horcruxes at all costs. Or perhaps rather they're the only ones who realise it is actually possible to kill Valmart once they do.

In summation I think I like Part 1 a bit better. That was all about character development with a unique telling of the typical Harry Potter story. Part 2 retains the adult nature though I think it fumbles at the Goal Line when scoring the final TD.